Here Comes The Sun

There are no words for how I have felt these past days.They have been filled with terror and sadness and with love and joy. The emotions began in the morning tuk-tuk ride when someone remarked on how they couldn't believe it was our last day. Right then it really hit me that we would never be able to see our newly loved family again. As we arrived at the orphanage, we hung out and just enjoyed each others company. The paper and coloring supplies were brought out and everyone made everyone else "I LOVE YOU" cards. For each one I made, I thought more and more about how much these children meant to me, how much I loved them and how much I would miss them, and how much leaving them was going to hurt; but their lit up faces when they got the note washed all those thoughts away and put me in the present. It really put it into perspective that we all plan in the future too much and that we need to live in the moment because you can't get that moment back, once it's gone, it's gone. 

Earlier that morning, they had set up the stage and gotten all their costumes ready to put on a performance for us. When the time came, we all sat front row , camera in hand. The first dance was a blessing for us, for when we leave back for America. Hearing those words, of course was saddening, but more so put a smile on my face. The second was a coconut dance and third was a Cambodian traditional dance. The fourth and final one was the hip hop dance. We had seen them practice and already seen the dance, but seeing the full on performance was really amazing. Just knowing that they don't have professional teachers or a professional stage or anything like that, shows you how skilled they really are. After their performance, they pulled us on the stage and had a big dance party. The very first song was "If Your Happy  and You Know It" and when it came on, and everyone was singing, I began to cry. Seeing all of them so happy and excited, dancing and singing right before we left just put me in tears. Prior to the performance, Srey Tok went over to Sohty and asked if I could be her sister. All I could do was melt, so when I started crying during the song, so did Srey Tok which had me crying more. Through the dancing and the singing I was able to pull myself together and put a smile on my face until it was time for us to leave. 

The very first goodbye was from Srey Mi, and it started right then. As she cried, I cried, and it all went down hill. Srey Tok would  not leave my side the whole time and held my hand, which made it even harder. We were in the girls' house and Heang came in, hugged me, and handed me a bracelet. There was pretty much no time when I wasnt crying.Then Srey Neat came into my arms and sobbed, her head laying on my shoulder. The mere sound of her heartbreak made my heart drop. I kissed her face and told her I loved her for the last time. I walked out of the house and Srey Heng hugged me tight and wiped the tears from my face. "No, don't cry, happy" and she smiled. She had me now crying and smiling as I walked down the hallway. I meant up with Nirot and there was no need for words. We just fell into each others arms full of tears. Nearing the end of our hug, I told him I loved him and he replied with "Ya". I just laughed, which was good for me, because it was so cute he couldn't say any more without breaking down. I hugged everyone else saying I loved them and I am going to miss them with all my heart. As we headed to the tuk-tuk, I got to Lavin. Our connection within the past few weeks was a bond I can never forget and hugging him goodbye was the hardest hug I had to give. At that point I don't think I've ever cried more in that short of a time. As we got in the tuk-tuk to drive away, people I never would have expected to cry, were full of tears. The sadness in Rath's eyes when I went to say goodbye just crushed me. Again the same thing happened with Ret, Huen, and Panet. Seeing the faces of people who are always happy and smiling covered in tears is one of the worst sights. As we drove away the children ran with us for what seemed like a life time. Clinging on to our hands, sobbing, and still running after us. The time came to let go and we drove off crying even harder. Since I loved them, I knew I had to let go. 

Goodbyes are so much harder then they seem, but one thing is for sure, there is still the "good" in goodbye. This goodbye meant the children had a better life, more love, and we were full of experiences and love as well. Thanks to the children, my new family, I'm leaving the orphanage with  memories worth a thousand words, and smiles to last a life time.